You are not logged in.

#1 Wednesday 4th March 2015 12:09:55

Verified Member
From: Darwin, Northern Territory Aus
Registered: Friday 20th August 2004
Posts: 2,700

I* can truly, honestly say ...

To brighten up the youngsters in my theory classes I normally tell true stories of my "adventures" as a naive young driver, especially when I worked in the isolated outback goldmining town of Tennant Creek.
I'd almost forgotten this story - the forums are bit quiet now so I thought I'd share it with you (but yes, it IS a TRUE story. Really. No kidding).

In the late seventies, a fellow technical officer and I had to go out on the infamous Barkley Highway in a Telecom Australia car, about 250 miles on a lonely road punctuated by wild horses, cattle, roos, wild long-horn cattle and huge buzzards trying to fly into our radiator or windscreen (too far inland for water buffalos and too far north for wild camels).
It had a rep for weird occurrences such as suicides, being buzzed by UFOs etc.

Occasionally there would be two or more indigenous people squatting in the shade of a large bush, just sitting down hundreds of miles from anywhere, I could never really come to grips with this but this was typical of the lifestyle of their hardy ancestors before the white man came.

The vehicle was a Chrysler Valiant - a real "Yank Tank" in every sense of the description - low and wide with a huge bonnet & gigantic station-wagon rear end, supersoft seats, soft wallowy suspension, vague steering and a very powerful "slant six" engine.
You could think you were trying to handle an aircraft carrier in huge seas with a busted rudder.

We had a hundred miles of undulating road ahead, a series of low hills in close succession.
Despite being rear-wheel drive, the car had bad bump-steer, it went off in one direction under braking and deviated in the other direction under accelaration, the vague steering made it hard to keep in a straight line while negotiating hilly country.

The road was barely  wider than one lane and it was too dangerous to overtake anything.
If you encountered an oncoming road train you had to brake hard and go off the road onto the unsealed verge (if there was one), the train drivers never deviated an inch and with three long trailers behind them whipping side to side they didn't have much choice.

We crested a hill and there was a wild cow standing in the road with its back to us.
I braked hard but the cow didn't move, it was obvious to me & my passenger that we were going to bump into it if it didn't shift.
Our squealing drum brakes didn't make it shift and it was soon obvious why - it was concentrating hard on some "business" it was about to do.

As we closed up to a yard from it, up went the tail; I could see the rear orifice dilate.
Then we bumped into it's rear end, not hard enough to cause injury but enough to give it a big sudden shock.
The cow reacted like a rocket on the launching pad - it would have cleared the moon if it was night time, the way it took off.

However the rocket exhaust was a different matter, steaming sticky smelly muck squirted onto the bonnet & windscreen.
My mate refused to help, I spent some time between fits of vomiting, clearing the windscreen with a small rag.
I never lived it down, but I can truly, honestly say, I LITERALLY frightened the **** out of a cow!

Last edited by Zipper (Wednesday 4th March 2015 12:11:12)

Zipper ("G'Day Mate!")
I'm not 65! I'm only $59.95+tax


Wednesday 4th March 2015 12:09:55

Google AdSense Posting Bot

Re: I* can truly, honestly say ...

#2 Wednesday 4th March 2015 19:52:20

Coasting Mart
Verified Member
Registered: Thursday 11th June 2009
Posts: 947

Re: I* can truly, honestly say ...

Hee Hee!
Well, thank you for that tail with a happy ending Zipper!!  cool

Ok, here goes ...

One of my tales I recount to clients is about the importance of the windscreen washer system and keeping it filled.
In the British winter, with salt on the roads, and dampness, driving on an m-way creates a fine spray of water/salt which covers the screen in grime.  Need to wash the screen quite often.
If the washer runs out, eventually it just smears and you can't see anything.

Ok, so one trip down south with a couple of mates when I was younger. Heading down the M6 and, yes, the washer system gives out. Smear. Smear. Smear.  Windy wipers did no good at all. Yes, we had to stop on the hard shoulder it was that bad.

Anyone got any drinks? Nope! Just a couple of empty pop bottles kicking about. No water or anything.  Drat!
So, before a journey check your washer bottle - or you'll have to stop in a dodgy spot on the m-way, and find yourself standing next to your mates, dicks in hands, all trying to pee into a couple of empty bottles so you can put some fluid in the washer, hopefully enough to get to the next services! roll
Washer fluid checks - surprisingly important!  cool

"I swear I found the key to the universe in the engine of an old parked car"


Board footer

Powered by FluxBB.